Chapter 1
I remember as a child how often I wanted to gather up my consciousness and rise right up out of my body. I didn't want to be here, couldn’t understand the rules the grown ups played, and why I couldn’t just be me.
"It's because we love you - that we lock you up from harm
It's because we love you - that you'll do the things we say
It's because we love you - that we sting with wrath and rage
It's because we love you - that we like to keep you small
It's because we love you - that we'll always think you're wrong
It's because we love you - that there's nothing else but home."
Chapter 2
I went to university believing I would finally have the chance to step back into the real me. Instead I found myself drowning in a sea of white faces that guffawed too loudly at their luscious privilege.
"It's because we need you - that you must pass our exams
It's because we need you - that you follow our old laws
It's because we need you - that you wear our cap and gown
It's because we need you - that you take our name and fame
It's because we need you - that you feel so out of place
It's because we need you - that you've made a big mistake."
Chapter 3
I took my degrees and did what all good grown ups are programmed to do: got a job, bought a house, washed my car, mowed the lawn, and went shopping on Saturdays.
"It's because we own you - that you’ve got that pension plan
It's because we own you - that you need that big house loan
It's because we own you - that you work so hard and long
It's because we own you - that your boss don’t give a damn
It's because we own you - that you feel so sad and blue
It's because we own you - that you know you can’t go on."
Chapter 4
A few years later something stirred within me and I took a chance on a dream of wild places filled with adventure. On the very first day my soul mate appeared and said from now on he'd travel the road with me.
"It's because I see you - that my yearning heart seeks yours
It's because I see you - that you can't brush me aside
It's because I see you - that I hold your trembling hand
It's because I see you - that I wipe your tears away
It's because I see you - that it's us against the world
It's because I see you - that I'll stay and see it through."
Chapter 5
Now here I am in the void, the place between worlds, breathing in all the fractals of me, trying to make sense of the whole, keeping my eyes on the hazy light that flickers on and off in the distance.
"It's because I know you - that I'm listening to my soul
It's because I know you - that I'm crying all my pain
It's because I know you - that I hold my little girl
It's because I know you - that I dare to speak my truth
It's because I know you - that I save a space for you
It's because I know you - that I seek a life that's free."
...
This part is yet to be written, rough drafts scribbled in pencil with crossings out and corrections in the margins. Workings out on the way to cracking the intangible code of all that I AM.
"It's because I love you - that the way is so obscure
It's because I love you - that I guide you through the stars
It's because I love you - that the lessons are for you
It's because I love you - that I've been here all along
It's because I love you - that your heart will mend and heal
It's because I love you - that I know you love me too."