
I miss you. I didn't realise that you were there until you left me. Though I know where you have gone, there is still a hole in our lives where you should be. The day started like any other, but by the evening it was clear you were leaving. I could see it in your eyes. The Spirit retreating, the transition back to cosmic stardust. Every day for 10 years you were the back drop to our lives, the impetus for our choices. And in the blink of an eye you are gone. Such presence, such strength, such Saturn-like energy, much of how we lived revolved around you. I couldn't see it then, but I feel it now. How every part of you was blended with every part of me. So now there is space and lightness where your energy should be. Now there is stillness and silence where your body should be. You took us as far as you could. Held space for our broken hearts while we fumbled and stumbled searching for the pieces to make us whole again. And at the end, worn out and wearied, you stood at the gateway, ushering us on, finally released from the bindings to see us through. Thank you for all you have done for us. Thank you for helping us to grow. Thank you for opening our hearts, even though with the openness we feel all our pain and our tears falling out. Thank you for enduring our impatience and our distractedness when we hurried you along when you wanted to go slow. But we didn't know. Would it have been any different if we had seen the signs? Maybe not. But looking back it was clear, you were always there. And we are grateful. Grateful for the walks and the challenges. Grateful for the resilience and the steadfastness. Grateful for standing out, for being different, for being big and wild. Now we are grateful that there is no more pain, no more trembling limbs, or aching joints. Only joy and freedom. I'm glad we were there at the end to anoint you with candle flame, scented oils, and whispered wishes to guide you across the veil. I feel you smiling now. Farewell old friend, farewell. Until we meet again...