How can I forgive you for all you have done to me. How can I love you for all the terror you made me feel. How can I show compassion when I hated you so much. How can I thank you for taking my innocence away. My pain is real, and I have held onto it for so long that I decided never to open my heart again. For an open heart has to feel all things. An open heart cannot choose between joy and sadness, fear and happiness, laughter and tears. It has to welcome it all in, let it pass through, and love it all the same way. I let a piece of my heart drift away because of you, but now I see that to be whole again I have to bring it back home. Allow it to slot back into my aura so that I can feel again. It is the key to my powers as a Being of Light - my ability to connect, to sense, to aid my fellow man, to nurture and nurse back to health. To do this I must welcome back the broken fragments of my heart. To allow the full beam of love to flow again, from me to you and back again, in a loop of energy that strengthens as it moves. I thought real strength and sovereignty came from shutting down, from achieving, from impenetrable boundaries, disconnection, and independence. But once again, you are stirring me into action. My body wants to feel things again. And though I am afraid, expecting all the tears and terror of my childhood to return like demons from the depths, Sonoma is showing me that I cannot live complete and whole without an open heart. So while I try to reject the homecoming with rage and clenched fighting fists, my heart is singing, dancing, and cracking wide open to let the pulse of life flow through her again. Like being reborn. Feeding once again on the full golden nectar of divinity. She knows that to be truly alive means to feel it all, and survive. To experience every nuance of every emotion and to allow your cosmic DNA to transmute it all to love.
This is what is happening for us all. Through the torment of our remembered pain, we are being set free to love. Our bruised and bloodied hearts are freeing themselves to love once again. It hurts. Of course it does. There are pockets within us where these experiences are walled off like abscesses around a thorn. But now is the time to be a truly luminous human. Now is the time. To be brave. To be open. To love it all. So I love you; for the part you played in our karmic dance. I forgive you; for the terror you made me feel, as it has helped me to grow. I am sorry; for the pain you have suffered in your own lifetimes, that I see reflected in my eyes. And I thank you; for cracking me wide open, for helping me to feel, and most of all for showing me the way back to love.